Catch-up

They found more cancer in dads brain and spine. He gets radiation every day. Because of his closed eye, mark and I have been switching taking him.

I've come to the heartbreaking realization that I may not have any vacation time come February, so a trip to see the in-laws in London next spring may not be possible. Well see.

I haven't begun getting gifts, and I'm not really in the mood to either. I'm phoning this entire Christmas season in. I didn't even put ornaments on our tree at the thought of having to repackage them. Our lights out front don't match. 1 led and 1 regular strand. It looks ridiculous.

I got us tickets to see Andrew bird in march & I'm oh so excited.

Still in love with dog who is in the process of getting that mega teddy bear look that we all love.

I'm so incredibly exhausted from hoping for the best and getting let down. What has dad ever done to deserve any this? He didn't have enough stem cells to extract today. If he still doesn't tomorrow, he'll have to be given a new plan.

It's just so tiring. And the only person I can vent to is Mark. I know he feels the same way. It's hard to be the one your entire family goes to when they want an update. I don't put the things that keep me up at night on the caring bridge blog for everyone to see.

And it's incredibly disappointing to realize the people that you thought would be there in times like these are so not. Someone even brought up that we hadn't made an effort to come see them. You're right. We haven't.

Anyway, I'm tired and wanted to complain to this blog no one reads.

Seeing all these "thankful" lists on facebook makes me think, "what am I thankful for?" For every one thing I'm thankful for, I have something else that I'm bitter about. That's probably just my problem. I'm thankful for my job, my husband's job and our little family. Am I supposed to be thankful that my dad is alive or should I be bitter that he's having to go through all of this? I've been bitter about it for 3 months now. I'm happy his treatments are working, but he shouldn't have to go through any of this. He's a completely different man than he was 3 months ago and I constantly worry he will never be the same. It's just hard to be thankful when I'm bitter at so much stuff right now.

Dad just sent me his schedule for November and I'm already tired and thinking about December. I've already semi-decided everyone is getting gift cards to Christmas. I'm already not attending a Thanksgiving, and we'll see about Christmas.

Where did this year go? I can't even remember the last time we visited anyone. I haven't seen my mom since July 4.

Mark has this week off and he's "organizing" everything.  Let's just say our house isn't in the best of conditions right now. He's taken everything out of the closets to reorganize. Sigh.

The past few months have really shown me a lot. What I can do. What actually having no time is like. Who matters most. How fast time flies so we shouldn't waste it on things that don't matter. How lucky Mark and I are to have such flexible jobs that allow us to take days off without notice. How much more pleasant a job is where you don't worry about your future every single day. How incredibly strong my dad is.

The goals for this winter:
New windows.
Possibly put insulation in the attic to start the process of finishing it.
Get Olga a coat.

I can make a wishlist a mile long.

Pretty much everything from Madewell.

A bunch of stuff from IKEA.

What I'm getting sometime this week, whenever it eventually gets delivered:

 

How do people with jobs get anything done? Seriously. Everything is between 9-5. Do people use their personal days to go pick up packages? Go to the dr? If we have work to be done on the house, someone has to be there. If we have quotes that need to be done, someone has to be there. Etc, etc.

January 14, 2008
"I discussed with Mr. Hite that the likelihood of recurrence of lymphoma at this point is extremely small"
- @ his yearly follow-up at Oncologist in Nashville.

My dad got news that his marrow is cancer free. While that sounds like huge news (and it is, it really is) it's hard to rest easy these days when I have the thought of him getting a bone marrow transplant looming. It's basically like inserting a new immune system into someone. If the donor isn't a good enough match, it could see dad's entire body as something foreign and attack it. That thought makes me sick every time I think about it.

My goal for this weekend is to see 50/50. I've heard nothing but great things. I'm sure I will sob through the whole thing.

We're supposed to get our new couch and loveseat tomorrow!

We never have time to do anything. It took us 3 nights to watch this week's sing-off. That's crazy to think about. I know people say "oh, I'm so busy" and that's because they spend 3 hours on facebook, etc., but we really have no time. I got off early today and came home and sorted through a pile of mail. Literally. for an hour.

Ok, sorry my life's boring and not exciting at all.