I'm so incredibly exhausted from hoping for the best and getting let down. What has dad ever done to deserve any this? He didn't have enough stem cells to extract today. If he still doesn't tomorrow, he'll have to be given a new plan.

It's just so tiring. And the only person I can vent to is Mark. I know he feels the same way. It's hard to be the one your entire family goes to when they want an update. I don't put the things that keep me up at night on the caring bridge blog for everyone to see.

And it's incredibly disappointing to realize the people that you thought would be there in times like these are so not. Someone even brought up that we hadn't made an effort to come see them. You're right. We haven't.

Anyway, I'm tired and wanted to complain to this blog no one reads.

Seeing all these "thankful" lists on facebook makes me think, "what am I thankful for?" For every one thing I'm thankful for, I have something else that I'm bitter about. That's probably just my problem. I'm thankful for my job, my husband's job and our little family. Am I supposed to be thankful that my dad is alive or should I be bitter that he's having to go through all of this? I've been bitter about it for 3 months now. I'm happy his treatments are working, but he shouldn't have to go through any of this. He's a completely different man than he was 3 months ago and I constantly worry he will never be the same. It's just hard to be thankful when I'm bitter at so much stuff right now.