2011, at a glance.

• I got laid off in February; I went to visit Kat in Oklahoma the following week.
• I did a lot of house work. I got a lot "neater" than I used to be. I painted some rooms.
• I got hired at another newspaper, except it's a million times better than the CJ. I love the people I work with. Well, most of them.
• The very week I start working is the week dad gets diagnosed with cancer. Talk about timing.
• The rest has been, well, read the blog.

In 2012....

• I hope that my dad gets the care he needs and gets healthy enough to plant his garden in the spring.
• I plan to make a quilt if dad stays at the hospital like expected.
• I plan to beg Mark to let me get another Olga.
• I hope we start finishing our attic.

Catch-up

They found more cancer in dads brain and spine. He gets radiation every day. Because of his closed eye, mark and I have been switching taking him.

I've come to the heartbreaking realization that I may not have any vacation time come February, so a trip to see the in-laws in London next spring may not be possible. Well see.

I haven't begun getting gifts, and I'm not really in the mood to either. I'm phoning this entire Christmas season in. I didn't even put ornaments on our tree at the thought of having to repackage them. Our lights out front don't match. 1 led and 1 regular strand. It looks ridiculous.

I got us tickets to see Andrew bird in march & I'm oh so excited.

Still in love with dog who is in the process of getting that mega teddy bear look that we all love.

I'm so incredibly exhausted from hoping for the best and getting let down. What has dad ever done to deserve any this? He didn't have enough stem cells to extract today. If he still doesn't tomorrow, he'll have to be given a new plan.

It's just so tiring. And the only person I can vent to is Mark. I know he feels the same way. It's hard to be the one your entire family goes to when they want an update. I don't put the things that keep me up at night on the caring bridge blog for everyone to see.

And it's incredibly disappointing to realize the people that you thought would be there in times like these are so not. Someone even brought up that we hadn't made an effort to come see them. You're right. We haven't.

Anyway, I'm tired and wanted to complain to this blog no one reads.

Seeing all these "thankful" lists on facebook makes me think, "what am I thankful for?" For every one thing I'm thankful for, I have something else that I'm bitter about. That's probably just my problem. I'm thankful for my job, my husband's job and our little family. Am I supposed to be thankful that my dad is alive or should I be bitter that he's having to go through all of this? I've been bitter about it for 3 months now. I'm happy his treatments are working, but he shouldn't have to go through any of this. He's a completely different man than he was 3 months ago and I constantly worry he will never be the same. It's just hard to be thankful when I'm bitter at so much stuff right now.

Dad just sent me his schedule for November and I'm already tired and thinking about December. I've already semi-decided everyone is getting gift cards to Christmas. I'm already not attending a Thanksgiving, and we'll see about Christmas.

Where did this year go? I can't even remember the last time we visited anyone. I haven't seen my mom since July 4.

Mark has this week off and he's "organizing" everything.  Let's just say our house isn't in the best of conditions right now. He's taken everything out of the closets to reorganize. Sigh.

The past few months have really shown me a lot. What I can do. What actually having no time is like. Who matters most. How fast time flies so we shouldn't waste it on things that don't matter. How lucky Mark and I are to have such flexible jobs that allow us to take days off without notice. How much more pleasant a job is where you don't worry about your future every single day. How incredibly strong my dad is.

The goals for this winter:
New windows.
Possibly put insulation in the attic to start the process of finishing it.
Get Olga a coat.

I can make a wishlist a mile long.

Pretty much everything from Madewell.

A bunch of stuff from IKEA.

What I'm getting sometime this week, whenever it eventually gets delivered:

 

How do people with jobs get anything done? Seriously. Everything is between 9-5. Do people use their personal days to go pick up packages? Go to the dr? If we have work to be done on the house, someone has to be there. If we have quotes that need to be done, someone has to be there. Etc, etc.

January 14, 2008
"I discussed with Mr. Hite that the likelihood of recurrence of lymphoma at this point is extremely small"
- @ his yearly follow-up at Oncologist in Nashville.

My dad got news that his marrow is cancer free. While that sounds like huge news (and it is, it really is) it's hard to rest easy these days when I have the thought of him getting a bone marrow transplant looming. It's basically like inserting a new immune system into someone. If the donor isn't a good enough match, it could see dad's entire body as something foreign and attack it. That thought makes me sick every time I think about it.

My goal for this weekend is to see 50/50. I've heard nothing but great things. I'm sure I will sob through the whole thing.

We're supposed to get our new couch and loveseat tomorrow!

We never have time to do anything. It took us 3 nights to watch this week's sing-off. That's crazy to think about. I know people say "oh, I'm so busy" and that's because they spend 3 hours on facebook, etc., but we really have no time. I got off early today and came home and sorted through a pile of mail. Literally. for an hour.

Ok, sorry my life's boring and not exciting at all.

Best Advice

Best advice for other bloggers?
It's awesome to have a real person in mind when you blog: for example, you could write your blog, in part, for your mom, sister or best friends; that way, your tone will feel authentic and true. It's easy to slip and start writing for some abstract audience, some made-up readers in your head, but then you run the risk of losing your voice and sounding insincere, since you're not really *talking* to anyone. You know what I mean? So it's awesome to really picture WHO you're writing for, and then just write for them. I think everyone has an amazing blog inside them, or a story to tell, and I really encourage people to go for it. Good luck!

via here

I fell in love with a couch yesterday - a cuddler sectional. My dream couch. Found out it can't fit into our living room. Not an issue of it being awkward; it literally is too large for our house. I even considered putting the TV in front of our two windows, but it just won't work. We're going again tonight--this time with dad. We're shopping for him a chair that he can sit in at our house. :)

Mark's parents are coming to Louisville to visit before they go to London. I'm glad they are because it's probably the only way I'd get to see them.

Papa Hite

There are few people in this world that I truly love more than anything in this world. My dad is one of them. I've always been close to him. His weekend visitations stretched all the way through college. My sister stopped her visitations when she was 14-15, so for several years it would just be my dad and me. We have our own unspoken language. I know exactly what he's thinking most of the time (even though he does surprise me at his willingness to try new things in the last couple years).

When he was in the hospital, I would go home and just weep at him having to stay there and how unfair it truly is. There are people in this world that don't take care of themselves at all that get to live carelessly throughout life. Dad is the person that cooks low fat rice krispy treats (that are delicious btw. use honey.), he walks every golf course, he's a workhorse (seriously. that man basically did the kitchen demo by himself.), and he's always on the positive side of things. He deserves so much more than what he's going through right now and it kills me. I've had that sinking feeling for weeks now and I'd like it to go away.

So Mark tells me this last night when I got home from work (about 12:30)...

M: Oh my gosh, I'm so sore. I ran like 3 miles tonight. I lost my sandals. I ran in the rain, on concrete on bare feet.
J: What! How?
M: Olga saw a dog. She chased after it. I chased after her. She's so fast. I lost my sandals about 3 blocks down, I puked.
J: (dying laughing)
M: I'm glad you're getting enjoyment out of this.
J: I'm just glad it was you and not me, because we'd have a lost dog right now if it were me.
M: When I finally caught her in an alley, I was too tired to yell at her, so I just held her and laid there for a while. My feet hurt.

He then continues to tell me more and more details of the story. It only gets better and better the more I hear it. Apparently he called our neighbor like 3 times trying to get him to go after Olga with his car b/c Mark couldn't keep up. Seriously though, we are both lucky she's safe at home right now.

This is why our dog needs to go to the dog park often. We may need to invest in some dog babysitting. It's lame and sounds insane, but she's a totally different dog when she's had a chance to run free.

Anywho, my dad may get out of the hospital today, and I plan on doing WHATEVER he wants for the next few days before he has to do another round of chemo. This includes a pizza party.

Actually pretty delicious.

GoPicnic Ready-to-Eat Meals from Target

True Dat

Busy as a bee

This is how "busy" my life is at the moment:

I need an electric shaver because I don't have the extra time to shave my leg s.
I am about 3K miles over on an oil change because I don't have enough time to wait an hour to get something done. (I want my tires rotated, too)
I've cooked 1 thing in 2 weeks. I really wish there were a place you could buy premade casseroles that can just be put into an oven. I'd kill for a nice country meal right now.
Olga is bursting with energy and I don't know what to do about it.

I'm typing this blog in this position. I don't have time to move him. jk. I do but goodness he's persistent. and heavy.

So, who wants to clean my house, take my car for maintenance, shave my legs and entertain the animals while I take a nappy poo?

I think I'm either getting a cold or allergies. Either way it totally sucks because I won't get to go see dad when I'm sick. Woe is me.

Almost everywhere we go, we get told multiple times how beautiful Olga is.  A lot of people ask where she was bred and if she's a show dog a lot, too. Heaven forbid we take her through a drive-through. She gets so many snacks. Anyways, the point of this was to say that my dog is a miss hottie pants and you should be totally jelly.

Also to say that I wish I were Annie Clark. Or maybe her BFF.

Let Me Tell You What I Want, What I Really, Really Want

Fossil Camera Bag - $98

Hunter Wellies - ~$100-$125

(Never Let Me Go)

Lakeland Terrier a.k.a. Blonde Olga

Can you even fathom me owning Olga AND a blonde Olga?

I want to start on finishing our attic. I know it will be the coolest space ever once we do it.